“Self-reliance, always.”
This isn’t news to men without fathers who can often be rigorously self-reliant. They may have an otherwise powerful bond with their mothers but this doesn’t remove the absented paternal duties inherited during the early years of a fatherless son.
There is no male to protect you physically, you become tribe protector. There is no male to encourage you in contact sports, you gee up yourself. There may be no male to console your mother, so you become chief counsel. This process grafts the stone of self-reliance but it can become too hard.
You mistrust others, refuse to delegate responsibilities when it would clearly benefit you, and ignore friends and family with your tunnel-vision. Undoubtedly some of these are ingredients to flashes of brilliance in the business world, but I believe there is a fundamental factor that unites them into a recipe for long-lasting success.
Self-reliance is not a silo. It should work in tandem with interdependence. Your life, unless you are a hermit living in a cabin, will be shared with others to benefit from the fruits of societal and amoral nourishment that the human condition craves. So a fluid, hybrid model is best. Take control of the dial of self-reliance: In a crucial Monday brainstorm meeting, it’s low. Your wife and kids are struggling financially and it’s on you to provide, it’s a hundred.
I used to think of leading my life in terms of a binary choice: the positive being self-reliance or the negative, relying on others i.e. submit to the likelihood of deception or disappointment. But in Aurelius’ line, I sense that self-reliance is your foundation and not your castle. Ensure a strong base, but build on it with others and with abandon.
I hope you enjoyed today’s post and are already looking forward to the next one. Feel free to leave a comment below, share your experience, or even make a suggestion for a future post.
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